I Get Depressed At Airports.

California Is Like The Hot Blond High School Chick Who's Been Getting By On Her Looks, But Now She's 45 And Falling Apart.

No One Is Depressed When They're Being Chased By A Bear.

Asking Someone In Advance Not Judge You, Is Like Asking Someone In Advance Not To Smell You.

Maybe I'm Delusional But I'm Usually Funny. It's Not 100% But I Have A Pretty Good Batting Average.

I'm Like John Q. Public. I Represent What Every Guy Wants And Needs.