I Got An Email From My Ex,

We Just Found Out My Little Brother Has A Peanut Allergy, Which Is Very Serious I Know. But Still I Feel Like My Parents Are Totally Overreacting - They Caught Me Eating A Tiny Little Bag Of Airline Peanuts And They Kicked Me Out Of His Funeral.

Disasters Are Funny To Me. As A Comedian You Learn From Failure, So I'm Always Trying To Put Myself In A Situation That Does Not Seem Ideal For My Comedy And See How It Works.

My Girlfriend Wants An Open Relationship. I Said No Way. What Kind Of Man Would I Be If I Had To Tell My Friends I Date You?

I Don't Want To Wake Up With Cops Surrounding My Bed Tonight.

My Favorite Sport Is Football. I'm A Die Hard Steelers Fan. Favorite Players Were Hines Ward And Greg Lloyd.