I Grew Up Thinking That If I

My Father Can Not Finish A Sentence. When We Were Kids He Would Go, 'girls The Most Important Thing In Life To Remember Is...' 'daddy, What Is It?' 'what's What, Honey?' 'the Most Important Thing In Life To Remember.' 'oh, What's That?'

I Always Like To Think I'm Having A Dinner Party, And I'm The Host, And The Audience Are My Guests.

Before We Got Engaged, He Never Farted. Now It's A Second Language.

Sitting Next To Olivia Newton-john, I Was Like, 'do Not Sing One Song From Grease.' That's All I Was Telling My Brain At All Times: 'do Not Sing Hopelessly Devoted. Don't Do It.'

I Lied On My Weight Watchers List. I Put Down That I Had 3 Eggs... But They Were Cadbury Chocolate Eggs.