I Hate Billings, Montana. They Have A

I Think We All In Comedi Business, Especially When We Reach A Certain Age, Are Divas Up To A Point. I Love When A Limousine Comes For Me, I Can't Lie About That. I Love When You Go To A Restaurant And They Say, "come This Way, Miss Rivers," And You Get A Good Table. I Love All That, The Perks That Come With The Business.

Happiness, At My Age, Is Breathing

When You're First-generation Money, You Want To Say, "i Got A Mercedes And A Rolls And A Lamborghini. Take A Look." When You're Second-generation Money, You're Very Quiet Behind Your Country Club Doors. I Think That's Why People Are Much More Aware. It's The First-generation Wives That Have The Huge Rings And The Second-generation Says, "everyone Be Quiet As We Get On Our Yacht Or Our Private Plane."

I’ve Had So Much Plastic Surgery, When I Die They Will Donate My Body To Tupperware.

Don't Tell Your Kids You Had An Easy Birth Or They Won't Respect You. For Years I Used To Wake Up My Daughter And Say, 'melissa You Ripped Me To Shreds. Now Go Back To Sleep.'.