I Have A Poor Memory For Names;

I Exercise Strong Self Control. I Never Drink Anything Stronger Than Gin Before Breakfast.

Some Things Are Better Than Sex, And Some Are Worse, But There's Nothing Exactly Like It.

A Man Who's Intoxicated All The Time Doesn't Need Sympathy.

First Prize Was A Week In Philadelphia. Second Prize Was Two Weeks.

Thou Shalt Not Steal-only From Other Comedians.