I Just Don't Want To Die The

As The Economy Gets Better, Everything Else Gets Worse.

Don't Commit Suicide, Because You Might Change Your Mind Two Weeks Later.

Writing Humor In My Column Isn't As Dangerous As Performing It. If I Fail In Front Of A Live Audience, The Humiliation Is As Great As Anything A Human Being Can Suffer.

You Can't Make Up Anything Anymore. The World Itself Is A Satire. All You're Doing Is Recording It.

If You Attack The Establishment Long Enough And Hard Enough, They Will Make You A Member Of It.