I Just Got My First Bikini. It's

I Took An Acting Class. After The First Day, The Teacher Quit, So They Said Take Another. When I Saw 'how To Be A Stand-up Comedian,' It Resonated. I Realized I'd Rather Make 200 People Laugh Than Make One Person Cry.

I Don't Think I Was Funny Until College. I Lived With Some Harvard Md/phd Students - They Were So Smart, And What I Contributed To The House Was, I Was The Funny One.

I Found Out Why Cats Drink Out Of The Toilet. My Mother Told Me It's Because The Water Is Cold In There. And I'm Like: How Did My Mother Know That?

I Go Running When I Have To. When The Ice Cream Truck Is Doing Sixty.

I'm Going To Get Married Again Because I'm More Mature Now, And I Need Some Kitchen Stuff.