I Go Running When I Have To.

I Found Out Why Cats Drink Out Of The Toilet. My Mother Told Me It's Because The Water Is Cold In There. And I'm Like: How Did My Mother Know That?

In Addition To Comedy, I'm A Writer. I Write Checks. They're Not Very Good.

I Don't Think I Was Funny Until College. I Lived With Some Harvard Md/phd Students - They Were So Smart, And What I Contributed To The House Was, I Was The Funny One.

The Only Way To Really Have Safe Sex Is To Abstain. From Drinking.

I've Been On So Many Blind Dates, I Should Get A Free Dog.