I Knew A Girl So Ugly, She

When I Got Back Into Show Business In 1961, I Felt - For Obvious Reasons - That Nothing In My Life Went Right, And I Realized That Millions Of People Felt The Same Way. So When I First Came Back My Catch Phrase Was "nothing Goes Right." Early On, That Was My Setup For A Lot Of Jokes.

My Wife Wants Sex In The Back Of The Car And She Wants Me To Drive.

What A Childhood I Had - I Was Ten Years Old When I Found Out Alpo Was Dog Food.

What A Childhood I Had. Once On My Birthday My Ol' Man Gave Me A Bat. The First Day I Played With It, It Flew Away.

The Shape I'm In, I Could Donate My Body To Science Fiction.