I Knew A Girl So Ugly, She

My Son's An Idiot. He Sprained His Ankle Playing Golf. He Fell Off The Ballwasher.

I Went To A Fight The Other Night, And A Hockey Game Broke Out.

I Tell Ya, Gambling Never Agreed With Me. Last Week I Went To The Track And They Shot My Horse With The Opening Gun.

When I Was Born ... The Doctor Came Out To The Waiting Room And Said To My Father ... I'm Very Sorry. We Did Everything We Could ... But He Pulled Through.

I Got My First Break And Became A Singing Waiter At Eighteen Or Nineteen. I Couldn't Make A Living At It. I Quit. Then I Got Married And Sold Aluminum Siding. My Wife Had Problems Physically. It Was Not Good.