I Know I'm Drinking Myself To A

I Have Often Wondered How They Manage To Get Return Envelopes Which Miss, By One-quarter Of An Inch, Fitting The Blank You Are Supposed To Return. They Say, "please Fill Out And Return The Enclosed Envelope," And The Enclosed Envelope Is Always One-quarter Of An Inch Too Small.

Most Of The Arguments To Which I Am Party Fall Somewhat Short Of Being Impressive, Owing To The Fact That Neither I Nor My Opponent Knows What We Are Talking About.

There Is No Doubt That Every Healthy, Normal Boy...should Own A Dog At Some Time In His Life, Preferably Between The Ages Of Forty-five And Fifty.

When We Think Back To Our Forefathers, With Their Sedentary Lives Of Forest-chopping, Railroad-building, Fortune-founding, Their Fox-hunting And Indian Taming, Their Prancing About In The Mazurka And The Polka, With Their Coattails Flying And Their Bustles Bouncing, To Say Nothing Of Their All-day Sessions With The Port And Straight Bourbon,... We Must Realize That We Are A Nation, Not Of Neurasthenics, But Of Sissies And Slow-motion Sports.

We Are Constantly Being Surprised That People Did Things Well Before We Were Born. We Are Constantly Remarking On The Fact That Things Are Done Well By People Other Than Ourselves. "the Japanese Are A Remarkable Little People," We Say, As If We Were Doing Them A Favor. "he Is An Arab, But You Ought To Hear Him Play The Zither." Why "but"?