I Like To Smoke A Pipe, Because

It's Hard To Fight When You're In A Gazebo.

I Know A Lot About Cars, Man. I Can Look At Any Car's Headlights And Tell You Exactly Which Way It's Coming.

A Lollipop Is A Cross Between Hard Candy And Garbage.

Stand-up Is An Art But Since It's Humor And It's Funny - A Lot Of Guys That Don't Think It's Art Are Probably Coming From The Angle That They Don't Want To Take It So Seriously. I've Always Looked At It As An Art But I Don't Look At It As A Pretentious Art. I Understand It Has To Be Taken Lightly Because It Is Just Comedy In The End, But The Good Stand-up Comics Are Someone With Something To Say.

The Commercial For Diet Dr. Pepper Says It Tastes Just Like Regular Dr. Pepper. Well, Then They Screwed Up!