I'll Be Very Busy, Which Is All

Watching Soccer Just Makes Me Wish I Was Watching Foosball.

I Have A Twelve Year Old Sex Doll. Brand New.

The Best Way To Break Up With A Girl Is Like I'm Taking Off A Band-aid. Slowly And In The Shower.

I Will Never Understand How A Mother Can Kill Her Own Baby And Not Get Away With It.

This Past Christmas, I Told My Girlfriend For Months In Advance That All I Wanted Was An Xbox. That's It. Beginning And End Of List, Xbox. You Know What She Got Me? A Homemade Frame With A Picture Of Us From Our First Date Together. Which Was Fine. Because I Got Her An Xbox.