I Love To Sing, And I Love

I Never Go Jogging, It Makes Me Spill My Martini.

People Ask Me What I'd Most Appreciate Getting For My Eighty-seventh Birthday. I Tell Them, A Paternity Suit.

When I Was Young I Was Called A Rugged Individualist. When I Was In My Fifties I Was Considered Eccentric. Here I Am Doing And Saying The Same Things I Did Then And I'm Labeled Senile.

Retirement At Sixty-five Is Ridiculous. When I Was Sixty-five I Still Had Pimples.

People Are Always Asking Me How Much I'm Worth. Well, All I Can Say Is, I've Got Enough Money To Last Me The Rest Of My Life. As Long As I Die In The Next 20 Minutes.