I Never Go Jogging, It Makes Me

People Ask Me What I'd Most Appreciate Getting For My Eighty-seventh Birthday. I Tell Them, A Paternity Suit.

If I Had Taken My Doctor's Advice And Quit Smoking When He Advised Me To, I Wouldn't Have Lived To Go To His Funeral.

When I'm In Front Of An Audience, All That Love And Vitality Sweeps Over Me And I Forget My Age.

I Get Up Every Morning And Read The Obituary Column. If My Name's Not There, I Eat Breakfast.

There's An Old Saying, 'life Begins At Forty.' That's Silly. Life Begins Every Morning You Wake Up.