I'm A Bad Lover. Once I Caught

If You Can't Write Your Own Material, You Have Very Little Chance Of Making It As A Comedian.

I Tell Ya, I Knew My Morning Wasn't Going Right. When I Put On My Shirt The Button Fell Off, When I Picked Up My Briefcase, The Handle Fell Off, I Tell Ya, I Was Afraid To Go To The Bathroom.

When We Got Married My Wife Told Me I Was One In A Million. I Found Out She Was Right.

She Was So Fat That Her Bathtub Has Stretch Marks.

With My Dog I Don't Get No Respect. He Keeps Barking At The Front Door. He Don't Want To Go Out. He Wants Me To Leave.