I'm Actually More Of A Cat Guy

I Love Women. I Actually Prefer Girls, As A Parent, Because They Disappoint At A Different Age. They Go Through That, "dad's An Idiot," Which Lasted A Little Longer Than I'd Like.

Men Are Liars. We'll Lie About Lying If We Have To. I'm An Algebra Liar. I Figure Two Good Lies Make A Positive.

I Think There's A Percentage [of The Audience] That Don't Realize, That Don't Know That [standup] Is How Everything Began. We Planned It, We Work Hard, Rehearsals To Get This. It's More Of A ... It's Not Just Coming In There In A T-shirt And Holding A Microphone.

A Car Crossed Two Lanes Of Traffic, Flipped, And Landed On My Dad's Car. I Don't Blame Cars. My Dad Loved Cars. I Don't Have Many Memories Of My Dad. The Love Of Cars Is All I Have Of Him, Really.

I Used To Live An Isolated Existence, Even In Relationships, But Now My Family Knows Me For Who I Really Am. Mostly, That's A Good Thing.