I Do A Lot Of Family Shows.

In My Experience, It's All Wonderful With Girls Until About 16. Around That Time, Boys Kind Of Calm Down And Start Focusing Their Testosterone. Girls Get A Little Challenging, Especially For Fathers.

Women Are Brilliant. Every Woman Knows How To Do The Weirdest Thing Right Out Of The Bucket. Every Woman Knows How To Do That Hindu Head Wrap With The Towel Out Of The Shower. A Typhoon Couldn't Blow That Thing Off Their Heads. Ever Try To Do That? You Look Like A Drunk Iraqi Soldier.

Now The Denominator ... Why Don't They Just Call It The Bottom Number? The Denominator ... That Sounds Like A Schwarzenegger Movie Doesn't It? [impersonating Arnold Schwarzenegger] I Am The Denominator. I'll Give Your Leg A Compound Fraction!

I'm Actually More Of A Cat Guy Than A Dog Person Because I Travel So Much. I Love Cats.

Men Are Pigs. Too Bad We Own Everything.