I'm Not A Movie Guy, I'm Not

Have You Seen That Magazine Barely Legal? That Means When You Look At It, You're Almost A Pedophile.

So, I Travel A Lot. I Hate Traveling, Mostly 'cause My Dad Used To Beat Me With A Globe.

There's A Fine Line Between Masturbating While You Look Out A Window, And Masturbating While You're Looking In A Window. I'll Give You A Hint: One Of 'em Is Super Illegal.

I Watch The Discovery Channel, And You Know What I've Discovered? I Need A Girlfriend.

You Know What Wakes Me Up? A Tongue In The Ass. There Is No Alarm Clock On That One, You Are Up, You Are Shaking, You Are In A Karate Stance.....the Day Has Begun.