I'm Not Really A Celebrity; I'm Just

I Believe In The Separation Of Church And Planet.

My Father, Who Was A Sergeant In The Raf During The Second World War, Was Killed In A Hitchhiking Accident While Returning Home On Compassionate Leave. As A Result, My Mother Had To Get Work, As A Nurse, And At Seven The Raf Put Me Into A Boarding School And Ex-orphanage Called The Royal Wolverhampton School.

Monty Python Paid Me £20,000 To Write, Direct And Assemble Them - The Cheapskates! I Told Them I'd Never Earned Less In A Year Since Leaving Cambridge. The First Show Sold Out In 43 Seconds And We Ended Up Performing Ten In Total. We Had No Idea There Would Be Such Demand.

Pattycake, Pattycake, Baker's Man; Good Morning, Madam, I'm A Psychiatrist

Sticks And Stones May Break My Bones, But Words Will Make Me Go In A Corner And Cry By Myself For Hours.