I'm Nuts And I Know It. But

I Asked My Wife Where She Wanted To Go For Our Anniversary. 'somewhere I Haven't Been In A Long Time!' She Said. So I Suggested The Kitchen.

Exercise? I Get It On The Golf Course. When I See My Friends Collapse, I Run For The Paramedics.

God's Children And Their Happiness Are My Reasons For Being.

When Anyone Hurts Us, My Wife And I Sit In Our Japanese Sand Garden And Drink Iced Tea. There Are Five Stone In The Garden - For Sky, Wind, Fire, Water, And Earth. We Sit And Think Of Five Of The Nicest Things We Can About The Person Who Hurt Us. If He Hurts Us A Second Time, We Do The Same Thing. The Third Time, We Light A Candle, And He Is, For Us, Dead.

She Has An Electric Blender, Electric Toaster And Electric Bread Maker. She Said "there Are Too Many Gadgets And No Place To Sit Down!" So I Bought Her An Electric Chair.