I'm So Fat And I'm So Depressed;

I Once Dated A Guy So Dumb He Could Not Count To 21 Unless He Was Naked

People Say That Money Is Not The Key To Happiness, But I Always Figured If You Have Enough Money, You Can Have A Key Made.

I Know Now That Everybody In The Arts Is Forever A Beginner. Experience Counts For A Great Deal And Very Little. Every Night Onstage I Feel I Am Starting From Scratch, Still Not Quite Sure What I Am Doing And Where I Am Going, Thrown By The Simplest Thing That Goes Wrong.

You're College Graduates Now, So Use Your Education. Remember: It's Not Who You Know, It's Whom.

Self-pity Shortens Your Life.