I Need To Give Affection And Love,

My Lad Chewed And Swallowed A Dictionary. We Gave Him Epsom Salts - But We Can't Get A Word Out Of Him.

The Mother-in-law Came Round Last Week. It Was Absolutely Pouring Down. So I Opened The Door And I Saw Her There And I Said, 'mother, Don't Just Stand There In The Rain. Go Home.'

I Don't Mind What The Critics Say, So Long As I Get Some Reaction. The Worst Thing Is To Be Ignored.

I'm Not Saying My Mother Didn't Like Me, But She Kept Looking For Loopholes In My Birth Certificate.

How Can You Analyse What Is Funny? What's Funny To One Isn't Funny To Another... What's Funny To You Is A Personal Thing.