I Never Drink Water; That Is The

Ye Gads, No! I Couldn't Stand The Noise.

I've Been On A 46-year Diet Of Olives And Alcohol. The Latter I Consume. The Former I Save And Use Over Again In More Alcohol. In My Lifetime, I Imagine, I Have Consumed At Least $200,000 Worth Of Whisky.

I've Been Barbecued, Stewed, Screwed, Tattooed, And Fried By People Claiming To Be My Friends. The Human Race Has Gone Backward, Not Forward, Since The Days We Were Apes Swinging Through The Trees.

A Woman Drove Me To Drink And I Didn't Even Have The Decency To Thank Her.

Where There Is A Will, There's Prosperity Around The Corner.