I Never Eat Before Breakfast.

I've Been Drunk Only Once In My Life. But That Lasted For Twenty-three Years.

The Cost Of Living Has Gone Up Another Dollar A Quart.

The Funniest Thing About Comedy Is That You Never Know Why People Laugh. I Know What Makes Them Laugh But Trying To Get Your Hands On The Why Of It Is Like Trying To Pick An Eel Out Of A Tub Of Water.

I Like My Films To Influence The Audience. Even If It Means Tripping Their Aged Grandparents With A Cane When They Get Home.

Say Anything That You Like About Me Except That I Drink Water.