I Only Do A Show When There's

I Prefer The Old Theaters Because The Audience Is... Trapped.

If I Want A Long, Boring Story With No Point To It, I Have My Life.

I Will Never Understand Why They Cook On Tv. I Can't Smell It. Can't Eat It. Can't Taste It. The End Of The Show They Hold It Up To The Camera, 'well, Here It Is. You Can't Have Any. Thanks For Watching. Goodbye.'

Cremation Has Become The Most Popular Form Of Burial In The United States... People Used To Want A Big, Thick Granite Stone, Their Names Carved Into With A Chisel. I Was Here Dammit! Cremation Is Like You're Trying To Cover Up A Crime. Burn The Body. Scatter The Ashes Around. As Far As Anyone's Concerned This Whole Thing Never Happened.

The Greatest Jewish Tradition Is To Laugh. The Cornerstone Of Jewish Survival Has Always Been To Find Humor In Life And In Ourselves.