I Really Hated Fighting People And Hurting

One Of My Friends Went On A Murder Weekend, Now He Is Doing Life For It.

In My Local Newspaper, They Had This Advert: 'please Look After Your Neighbours In The Cold Weather'. I Live Next Door To This 84-year-old Woman, And Do You Know, Not Once Has She Come Round To See If I'm All Right. The Lazy Cow Hasn't Even Taken Her Milk In For A Fortnight.

They Call It 'surfing' The Net. It's Not Surfing. It's Typing In Your Bedroom

The Rain Forest Has Sting. Now Siberia Has Jack Dee. Someone Had To Draw The Short Straw. In This Case It Was The Rain Forest.

I Have Had Issues With Depression All My Life, And It's Probably True To Say There Was A Tendency Towards It Even When I Was Very Young, During My Schooldays. There Was Often - And This Is Quite Common With Comics - A Sense Of Not Feeling As If I Belonged Anywhere.