I Saw...a Kid On A Leash. You

So, It's Good To Be Here, Wherever I Am.

I Ascribe To Mark Twain's Theory That The Last Person Who Should Be President Is The One Who Wants It The Most. The One Who Should Be Picked Is The One Who Should Be Dragged Kicking And Screaming Into The White House.

All Day Long You See Those Commercials: 'here's Your Brain, Just Say No'...and The Next Commercial Is: 'this Bud's For You.'

On The Theft Of His Material By Denis Leary: "i Have A Scoop For You. I Stole His Act. I Camouflaged It With Punchlines, And To Really Throw People Off, I Did It Before He Did."

I Don't Do Drugs Anymore... Than, Say, The Average Touring Funk Band.