What Strikes Me As Funny About Elvis

I Got This Big Fear Of Doing Smoking Jokes In My Act And Showing Up Five Years From Now Goin' [puts Mic To His Neck And Speaks As If He Had A Mechanical Larynx] 'good Evening Everybody, Remember Me, Smoking's Bad. [puts Cigarette To Neck And Mimics Smoking It] Eeww. You Ever Seen Somebody Do That? I've Seen Someone Do That. Let Me Tell You Something — If You're Smoking Out Of A Hole In Your Neck [mimics It Again] I'd Think About Quitting. And That's Just Me, Ya Know.

People Always Snap And Think They're Jesus. How Come No One Ever Snaps And Thinks They're Buddha?

Is It Impossible To Imagine Americans Sneaking Into Mexico En Masse, Seeking Regular Employment And A Better Way Of Life?

I Was A Weekend Drinker...i'd Start On Saturday, End On Friday...thought I Was Controlling It...but I Don't Drink Any More.

I've Had Seven Balls Of Light Come Off A Ufo...explain To Me Telepathically We Are All One And There's No Such Thing As Death.