I Think I Sent Out Some Résumés

If People Can't Deal With Their Problems, They Numb Themselves A Little Bit.

Me And Conan O'brien And Robert Smigel And Dana Carvey Wrote A Script Called 'hans And Franz: The Girlyman Dilemma,' And It Was Going To Be Co-produced With Arnold Schwarzenegger, And He Was Going To Co-star In It. We Had A Deal With Sony, We Got Paid To Write It, And It Was A Musical, But It Never Got Made Because...i Think Arnold Kind Of Backed Out At The Last Minute Because He Was Getting Cold Feet Because ;the Last Action Hero' Had Come Out, Where He Was Parodying Himself. But It Was A Really Funny Script, And I Wish It Could've Seen The Light, Because I Think It Would've Done Really Well.

I Played A Security Guard, And I Think It Was In The State Department. This Was My First Acting Role, Really, And I Remember Rehearsing It On The Couch With My Girlfriend At The Time. I Had A Real Problem With Saying The Word "incendiary." Most Of My Rehearsal Was Spent On Pronouncing The Word "incendiary."

The Funny Thing About Commercials To Me Is That Many Of Them Now Don't Even Mention The Product Until The Very End. You Don't Really Know What The Commercial Is All About. They're Kind Of Like Little Movies, Like Shorts, And That's Why I Think They're So Entertaining.

The Ethical Argument Regarding Abortion Hinges On The Question Of When Life Begins. Some Believe Life Begins At Forty.