I Took The Wife's Family Out For

I Can Always Tell When The Mother In Law's Coming To Stay; The Mice Throw Themselves On The Traps.

Funny Thing How You First Meet The Woman That You Marry. I First Met The Wife In A Tunnel Of Love. She Was Digging It.

I'm The Most Unromantic Lump Of Northern Suet. Yes, A Woman Did Accost Me Once In South Shields, But She Had A Face Like Red Rum.

I'm Not Saying My Mother Didn't Like Me, But She Kept Looking For Loopholes In My Birth Certificate.

I Know My Name Will Always Be Linked With Women.