I Used To Do Drugs, But That

I Watch The Discovery Channel, And You Know What I've Discovered? I Need A Girlfriend.

Once You Get Offstage You're Just Like Everyone Else, And Everyone Else Can Get Into A Fight.

It's A Horrible Economy But I'm Trying To Do My Part. I Just Bought A New Shower Curtain It Has All The Presidents On It. Do You Know How Hard It Is To Masturbate With All The Presidents Staring At You? And When The Water Hits Them It Looks Like They're Crying.

Why Do They Collect Garbarge At 5am? Why? It's Garbage. It's Not Going To Go Bad Again.

I Don't Mind A Crowd's Not Laughing; It's The Groans That Slow Down The Show.