I've Always Tried To Maintain That I

The Problem Is There's A New Group. I'm Talking About This Tiny Slice Of People That Have Gotten Way Too Fired Up About The Trump Thing For The Wrong Reasons. I'm Talking About These People That As Soon As Trump Won, They're Like, We Don't Have To Pretend Like We're Not Racist Anymore. We Don't Have To Pretend Anymore. We Can Be Racist Again. Whoa, Whoa, Whoa, No, No. If You're One Of These People, Please Go Back To Pretending.

Writing Your Own Jokes, You Just Kind Of Keep Working On Something Until You Think It Might Work, And Then You Try It Out And Hope For The Best.

A Lot Of People My Age Think Stand Up Sucks.

You Want What You Can't Have. And If Someone's Being Shitty To You, Just Move On. If Someone's Being Shitty To You, No Matter How Great They Are, That's Shitty, And You Don't Want Be With Someone Who Treats You Shitty.

Oh, What's This In My Shoe? Red Carpet Insole. Everywhere I Go, I'm Walking On Red Carpet.