I've Been Playing Golf A Long Time,

Golf Is A Game That Needlessly Prolongs The Lives Of Some Of Our Most Useless Citizens.

On One Hole, I Hit An Alligator So Hard, He's Now My Golf Bag.

My Folks Were English. They Were Too Poor To Be British. I Still Have A Bit Of British In Me. In Fact, My Blood Type Is Solid Marmalade.

The Stealth Bomber Is Supposed To Be A Big Deal. It Flies In Undetected, Bombs, Then Flies Away. Hell, I've Been Doing That All My Life.

Drugs Are Very Much A Part Of Professional Sports Today, But When You Think About It, Golf Is The Only Sport Where The Players Aren't Penalized For Being On Grass.