I've Never Been Lucky. The Day My

It's Tough To Stay Married. My Wife Says No Because She's Tired Then Stays Up And Reads Her Book.

...went To A Bar For A Few Drinks. The Bartender Asked What I Wanted. "surprise Me", I Said. So He Showed Me A Naked Picture Of My Wife.

I Started Over Again With An Image: Nothing Goes Right. Then When The Godfather Came Out, All I Heard Was, Show Respect. With Me, You Show Respect. So I Changed The Image To I Don't Get No Respect. I Tried It Out In Greenwich Village. I Remember The First Joke I Told: Even As A Kid, I'd Play Hide And Seek And The Other Kids Wouldn't Even Look For Me. The People Laughed. After The Show, They Started Saying To Me, Me, Too - I Don't Get No Respect. I Figured, Let's Try It Again.

To Give You An Idea How Well I Was Doing At The Time I Quit, I Was The Only One Who Knew I Quit.

His Breath Is So Bad Why Every Time He Smokes He Blows Onion Rings.