I Want To Make A Vending Machine

I Like To Hold The Microphone Cord Like This, I Pinch It Together, Then I Let It Go, Then You Hear A Whole Bunch Of Jokes At Once.

I Bought A Seven-dollar Pen Because I Always Lose Pens And I Got Sick Of Not Caring.

Xm Radio Doesn't Have Commercials, So After About Thirty Minutes Of Listening To It, I'm Like, "what Should I Buy?"

As An Adult, I'm Not Supposed To Go Down Slides. So If I'm At The Top Of A Slide, I Have To Pretend That I Got There Accidentally. "how The Hell Did I Get Up Here? I Guess I Have To Slide Down. Whee!" That's What You Say When You're Having Fun. You Refer To Yourself And Some Other People.

I Don't Have Any Children, But If I Had A Baby, I Would Have To Name It, So I Would Get A Baby-naming Book. Or I Would Invite Somebody Over Who Had A Cast On.