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Probably The Worst Time In A Person's Life Is When They Have To Kill A Family Member Because They Are The Devil. But Otherwise It's Been A Pretty Good Day.

I Read That Nine Out Of 10 Women Fantasize About Having An Unknown Man Leap Through Their Bedroom Window At Night And Make Mad, Passionate Love To Them. Who Would Think With Those Odds, I Would Now Be Facing 150 Hours Of Community Service.

You Don't Appreciate A Lot Of Stuff In School Until You Get Older. Little Things Like Being Spanked Every Day By A Middle-aged Woman: Stuff You Pay Good Money For In Later Life.

My First Job As A Kid Was Going From Door To Door Selling Christmas Cards, To Raise Money For My Grandmother's Hip Replacement. Because, You Know... You Break It, You Buy It.

I Was A Cute Baby. My Mom Said When I Was Born They Threw Away The Mold. Some Of It Grew Back.