I Was Sitting In The Toilet And

When You Do See Me, You'll Get The Idea From When You See Me That It's All Off The Top Of My Head. A Lot Of It Is A Beginning, Middle And The End. But It's Different Every Night. I Have A Lot Of Jokes In My Back Pocket I've Said Over The Years.

I Was Nice To The People In The Philippines For The Two And A Half Years I Was There, Because I Knew Even­tually I'd Have To Kiss Up To Them So My Grandchildren Could Have Toys.

Everything I Do On Stage, I Made Up In Saloons. I Started Doing It In Front Of People, And That Became My Performance. I Never Had Writers.

It's Very Sweet To Have People Say Nice Things About You, And I Always Accept That.

I Don't Get Into Politics. I Know [donald] Trump, But I Don't Follow That. That's Just An Aside For Him When He Has Nothing Else To Say. He Never Involved Me In Any Of That Stuff.