I Was So Naive As A Kid

I've Worked Ever Since I Was A Kid With A Two-bit Kit Of Magic Tricks Trying To Improve My Skills At Entertaining Whatever Public I Had - And To Make Myself Ready, Whenever The Breaks Came, To Entertain A Wider And More Demanding Public.

I Wouldn't Have The Slightest Interest In Running For Public Office. I'd Rather Make Jokes About Politicians Than Become One Of Them.

Pittsburgh Is Kind Of Like Newark Without The Cultural Advantages.

The Hollywood Tradition I Like Best Is Called Sucking Up To The Stars.

George Burns Has Been On My Show Twenty Or Thirty Times, Or Maybe More. How Can You Turn Down A Guy That Age?