I Was So Naive As A Kid

Democracy Is Buying A Big House You Can't Afford With Money You Don't Have To Impress People You Wish Were Dead.

My Success Just Evolved From Working Hard At The Business At Hand Each Day.

The Good News Is That The President Gets Another Chance. The Bad News Is That He'll Be Two Weeks Older.

Everybody I Meet In Public Seems To Want To Audition For Me. If I Ask A Guy What Time It Is, He'll Sing It To Me.

Americans, Too Many Of Them, Take Themselves Too Seriously. You're Going To Get Rapped - By The Viewers, By The Sponsors And By The Network Brass - If You Joke About Doctors, Lawyers, Dentists, Scientists, Bus Drivers, I Don't Care Who. You Can't Make A Joke About Catholics, Negroes, Jews, Italians, Politicians, Dogs Or Cats. In Fact, Politicians, Dogs And Cats Are The Most Sacred Institutions In America.