I Would Read Playboy More Often, But

I Use The Cigar For Timing Purposes. If I Tell A Joke, I Smoke As Long As They Laugh And When They Stop Laughing I Take The Cigar Out Of My Mouth And Start My Next Joke.

Be Quick To Learn And Wise To Know.

You Know You're Getting Old When You Stoop To Tie Your Shoelaces And Wonder What Else You Could Do While You're Down There.

Critics Are Eunuchs At A Gang Bang.

There's Nothing Wrong With Making Love With The Light On. Just Make Sure The Car Door Is Closed.