If Elected, I Will Win.

I Think We Should Just Tip The Government If It Does A Good Job. Fifteen Percent Is The Standard Tip, Isn't It?

Having A Comic In The White House Will Assure Stability In Foreign Relations. The World Will Continue To Respond To Foreign Initiatives By Saying, 'you Must Be Joking.'

I'd Learned Some Things. I Knew You Weren't Supposed To Hold A Good Wine At The Top - The Paper Bag Falls Off.

Every Child Has A Right To Go To High School And End Up With A Third Grade Education.

Actually, My Wine Was Served At The White House Twice. Reagan Must Have Been Asleep When He Ordered It.