If I Can Just Stop Being So

I Don't Think Women Are, By Definition, Toxic To One Another. I Think Women Are Simultaneously Competitive Toward And Idolatrous Of Each Other. I Thrive On That Challenge And That Desire.

I'm At That Age Where I Notice Friends Checking Out My Face And Wondering, Has She Been Botoxed? There's A New Map There People That Are Trying To Read. I Think If I Did Get Any Kind Of Enhancement I Would Be Very Public About It. I Don't Want People Wondering - I Want Them To Know.

If, At Some Future Point, My Face Collapses Around My Eyes, I'd Probably Do Something About It. My Eyes Are Where I Live, And If People Couldn't See Them, No One Would Know Me.

I Spend Far Too Much Time On Ebay Buying Lamps And Upholstery Remnants.

I Tell Myself It's A Virtue, My Failure To Sleep In My Own House, Or At All. I Tell Myself That I Spend More Hours Than Most People Aware That I Am Alive, And That Over A Lifetime This Adds Up To More Living, More Aliveness. I Am More Alive Than The Rest Of My Family. Which Is My Greatest Night Fear. Which Is Why I Hunt. I Don't Ever Want To Be More Alive Than They Are.