If I Found Yoko Ono Floating In

I Lived To Be On Stage, And I'm Terrified. Terrified Before Every Show.

I Was Dating A Transvestite, And My Mother Said, "marry Him, You'll Double Your Wardrobe."

I Was Just Reading About The New Lindsay Lohan Diet, Which Is All Liquid. 80 Proof.

My Parents Hated Me. All I Ever Heard Was, "why Can't You Be Like Your Cousin Shelia? Why Can't You Be Like Your Cousin Shelia?" Shelia Had Died At Birth.

My Body Is A Temple, And My Temple Needs Redecorating.