If I Were Actually Homer Simpson, I'd

It's Hard To Find A Play That's Right For Me To Do. Rather Than Waiting Around For The Right Script To Come Along, I Decided To Write One Myself.

Sometimes The Only Way You Can Feel Good About Yourself Is By Making Someone Else Look Bad. And I'm Tired Of Making Other People Feel Good About Themselves.

Although I Don't Get The Parts In Films Or Other Television Shows That Would Be Befitting Of A Huge, International Star, I Don't Have To Worry About Walking Around On The Street Or Eating At A Restaurant. Occasionally, You Do Get Recognized A Little Bit. And That's Fine. Most People Are Pretty Cool About It. That's The Thing - It's Such A Low-key Thing That I Can Still Enjoy It And Not Worry About It.

The Simpsons Take Up So Little Time That I'm Able To Do Other Things As Well.

I'm Not A Bad Guy! I Work Hard, And I Love My Kids. So Why Should I Spend Half My Sunday Hearing About How I'm Going To Hell?