If Jay Spent As Much Time Studying

Heating Bills This Winter Are The Highest They've Been In Five Years, But President Bush Has A Plan To Combat Rising Bills. It's Called Global Warming.

It Is Said That Life Begins When The Fetus Can Exist Apart From Its Mother. By This Definition, Many People In Hollywood Are Legally Dead.

According To A Recent Study, Ten Percent Of 'star Trek' Fans Meet The Psychological Criteria For Addiction. Deprived Of Their Favourite Show, Some Trekkies Disply Withdrawal Symptoms Similar To Drug Addicts. Of Course, The Real Difference Is That Drug Addicts Aren't Nearly As Annoying.

The Federal Government Said Today They've Begun Training Sessions For Airport Security Workers To Provide What They Call More Customer Satisfaction To The Travels, They Want To Make It Easier For Us. They're Instructing Security Guards To Glance At Your Luggage Tags So That They Can Call You By Your First Name. Isn't That Creepy? The Guy Touching Your Wife, Calling Her By Her First Name.

Cnn Said That After The War, There Is A Plan To Divide Iraq Into Three Parts: Regular, Premium And Unleaded.