If My Jeans Could Talk, They'd Plead

Your Husband Is Lazy If The Directions On His Medicine Say, "a Teaspoon Before Going To Bed," And In One Day He Uses Seven Bottles.

There Isn't Any (afterlife), You Dingbat! This Is It, Baby! Enjoy, Carefully! Religion Is Such A Medieval Idea. Don't Get Me Started. I Have Thought About Every Facet Of Religion And I Can't Buy Any Of It. So God Made Man In His Own Image? It's Just The Other Way Around. Man Made God In His Own Image. It's All About Money.

My Mother-in-law Had A Pain Beneath Her Left Breast. Turned Out To Be A Trick Knee.

When I Go To The Beach, My Grandchildren Try To Make Words Out Of The Veins In My Legs. That's Why I Still Take The Pill; I Don't Want Any More Grandchildren.

There's Such A Buildup Of Crud In My Oven, There's Only Room To Bake A Single Cupcake.