If You're Not A Wreck In This

You're College Graduates Now, So Use Your Education. Remember: It's Not Who You Know, It's Whom.

My Obstetrician Was So Dumb That When I Gave Birth He Forgot To Cut The Cord. For A Year That Kid Followed Me Everywhere. It Was Like Having A Dog On A Leash.

I Now Consider It A Good Day When I Don't Step On My Boobs.

I've Learned: When You Get Older, Who Cares? I Don't Mince Words, I Don't Hold Back. What Are You Gonna Do To Me? Fire Me? It's Been Done. Threaten To Commit Suicide? Done. Take Away My Show? Done! Not Invite To Me To The Vanity Fair Party? I've Never Been Invited! If I Ever Saw The Invitation, I'd Use It As Toilet Paper.

Just Remember: Surviving Is The Best Revenge, No Matter What The Disaster Has Been.