If You're Thinking Of Becoming A Critic,

In The Old Days, Ptomaine Poisoning Was A Cover-all. If You Missed A Show And You Were Young, It Meant You Were Having An Abortion. If You Were Old, It Meant You Were Having A Face Lift.

To Be Somebody, You Must Last.

Nothing Dates One So Dreadfully As To Think Someplace Is Uptown. At Our Age One Must Be Watchful Of These Conversational Gray Hairs.

The Good That Men Do Lives After Them.

At Seventy-four I'm Getting Minor Raves On My Looks, But I'm Caught In The Middle. Who Knows What Seventy-four Looks Like? Who Cares? But If I'd Listened To My Friends, I Could Now Lie And Say I'm Eighty-four. For Eighty-four, The Way I Look Is Spectacular.