In A Perfect World, Everybody Would Be

You Know, I Think There Should Be A Zach Braff Day. We Could Have It On December 25th And Then People Can Decide Whether They Want To Celebrate Me Or Jesus. If You Ask Me, The Choice Is Pretty Obvious.

I Think The Saddest Moments In Life Have Humor In Them. I Have A Memory Of Coming Home From A Funeral With My Family In The Back Of A Limousine And Someone Cracking A Joke And Us Just Hysterically Belly Laughing. It's How We Always Dealt With Tragedy In Our Lives And I Think It's Such A Healthy Way To Deal With Sadness.

At First, I Didn't Really Care If Global Warming Existed. But Then I Realized It Means That Less Bums Would Freeze To Death In The Winter

I'm Sick Of People Saying I Hate Blacks, Women, And Gays. It's False And Slanderous. Everyone Who Knows Me Knows I Hate The Chinese.

Turning Water To Wine? I Mean C'mon, That's Stupid. They Should Have Let Me Write The Bible.