In Real Life I'm A Tall, Blond

I Just Don't Accept Midgets As Human Beings. There's Only So Much Political Correctness I Can Accept.

Nothing Can Help My Comedy.

I'd Like To Have A Kid, But I'd Probably Get A Frank Sinatra Jr. Instead Of A Gilbert Gottfried Jr. I'd Totally Screw Up Like That.

I Find Washington Audiences Are Basically The Same As Every Other Audience; They Watch Me And Go, 'who's Idea Was It To Go See Him? And Is It Too Late To Ask For My Money Back?'

You Never Know What People Will Choose To Be Offended By.