Irony Can Elude The Genius Among Us,

Keep In Mind That In 1985, I Had A Potential Readership Of Over 50 Million Americans. At That Time, A Good Portion Of Those Were Under 30.

Dear Lord, I've Been Asked, Nay Commanded, To Thank Thee For The Christmas Turkey Before Us... A Turkey Which Was No Doubt A Lively, Intelligent Bird... A Social Being... Capable Of Actual Affection... Nuzzling Its Young With Almost Human- Like Compassion. Anyway, It's Dead And We're Gonna Eat It. Please Give Our Respects To Its Family.

Doonesbury Had The Requisite And Overwhelming Influence In 1980, As It Did On Any College Cartoonist Who Was Paying Attention, Of Course.

I Ignore Hallmark Holidays. And This Comes From A Guy Who Has Sold A Million Opus Greeting Cards.

A Mind Is A Terrible Thing. All This Evolution Nonsense Is Making Me Feel Like A Complete Ape!